Charcuterie boards have lost the plot. Going from simple cuts of meat and selected cheeses to full on inebriating grazing boards smeared with labyrinths of hummus, mounds of ricotta, heavy dips, brittle chips and everything in between. It’s time we retreat. Let’s let quality do the talking. Simple things done well. I believe a charcuterie spread should have three components: meats, cheeses, and pickles. 

I’ve got meat on my mind and so does the only place in the city from which you should be buying sausage and charcuterie. At 1527 W. Porter Street you will find the finest makers of meats and charcuterie in the city: Heavy Metal Sausage (HMS). Pat and his crew are the real deal.  I’m deeply familiar with their deli case and have equal zeal for their chalkboard menu. I was recently there bartering twelve pounds of chestnuts that I have been yearning to offload from my barn’s walk-in refrigerator. Pat and I have been building rapport over odd and unusual produce I keep in the trunk of my car. He has an uncompromising commitment to local farms; he sources solely from Pennsylvania meat producers and the majority of his ingredients.

The perfect order for a charcuterie spread for two is by the quarter pound, four ways (e.g., a quarter pound of capicola, quarter pound of black walnut mortadella, quarter pound of finnocchiona, and a quarter pound of the zungenblutwurst). If you really want to schmaltz up your spread, indulge in their duck rillettes or country pâté. 

If you have time, sit down for a warm meal or share a bottle of wine with one of his fervent patrons. If you happen to be visiting HMS on a Sunday, make a stop at the Head House Farmers Market on 2nd Street between Pine and Lombard Streets.  Here for what you ask? Cheese from Sue Miller’s Birchrun Hills Farm. Now, I don’t idolize Hollywood celebrities but I do artisans. And Sue Miller is the closest thing you can get to a celebrity in my Philly food walk of fame. So much so I had her sign my original Mike Geno print of her Equinox Cheese. My go to has been the Equinox but you’re going to want to grab a Fat Cat and a Birchrun Blue. These will pair wonderfully with the meats.

Now, the last item you need to complete your perfect charcuterie spread is pickles. At the moment I don’t have a pickle plug. But that is okay. Pickles are easy. Cheese and meats aren’t. That is why I leave that to the experienced and accomplished. The following recipe is for pickled peppers. The perfect acidic palette reset you need for the rich and complex cheeses and meats.

Pickled Corbaci Peppers:

Ingredients:

Ferment:

• 500g of Fresh Corbaci Peppers (any mild pepper will substitute)
• 500mL water
• 35g salt
• 35g sugar

Pickle:

• 500mL vinegar…..Keepwell vinegar
• 400g sugar

Procedure: 

Part 1: Ferment

1. Pour water, sugar, and salt into a pan and bring to a boil, just to dissolve the solids.
2. Pour over top of peppers in a jar. Peppers should be covered.
3. Weigh down and set in a dark place for a week with the lid slightly open.

By now the brine should be cloudy with lactobacteria and the peppers should be crunchy and well flavoured. Drain them and pack back into the jar.

Part 2: Pickle

1. Bring vinegar and sugar to boil.
2. Pour over top of fermented pickles.
3. Pickle for a week or until you can’t wait any longer.

-Thomas Hoy